Happiness?

Happiness

Are you happy? Are you happy most of the time or just once in a while? 

I am so extremely grateful for what I have got. So why do I sometimes give up and get so extremely tired? Do you recognise the feeling? Most of us are quite pleased with what we have but most of us are still not happy. Research in this area shows that happiness is like a bump on the road. 

We win the lottery, get married or get a salary raise and in three months or maximum two years we are back on our normal level of happiness. Strange isn't it? Especially since most of us spend a lot of time dreaming about meeting the “right” partner, winning the lottery or getting extremely rich from a great business deal, moving to a house on a white sandy beach, buying a hotel, living in a castle with a wine yard in France, retire and buy a dog, etc. Most people I know dream of another, better life. 

Research also shows that if people suffer from illness or get handicapped their level of happiness is in most cases restored after a couple of months or a couple of years. They are just as happy again even though their health is no better.

Content and happiness does not differ between extremely wealthy people and people leading extremely simple lives and it does not differ between healthy and sick people. Discouraging facts? Well not really since you now know that you will continue to be reasonably happy even if you don’t manage to win the lottery. And there is other research showing that you can increase your personal level of happiness so that your bump on the road becomes more like a step on a staircase. Sounds interesting? 

• The best way to be happier is to enjoy the ride towards your goals! 
• Happiness is the combination of enjoying what you have today and looking forward to what you will receive tomorrow.
• What you value most will make you happy so what do you value most?

Do you have what it takes?

Do you dream about making a big change in life? Maybe you think about selling everything you have and move to another country? Or you want to quit your administrative job and start a gardening firm? Or move to the country, to a lonely house in the forest by a lake or maybe in a small village where you can keep chicken, grow vegetables and perhaps even have a couple of sheep? Or your plans might be bigger - to work hard, make a fortune and buy an island or a jet? Most people I know have a dream or two that they nourish but most don't do much to realize them. Do you have what it takes to make your dream come true? Or do you even want it to become a reality? 

When you dream about moving to Thailand and live in a warm and friendly place you might realize that you would be rather bored after a few weeks not doing much more than reading, sunbathing and drinking beer. I sometimes dream about moving to the country house, by the lake, in the small village with the astonishing landscape. Do I have what it takes to make the change? I am not so sure.

I have a friend that made the change to totally change jobs, from being a successful IT Project Leader to gardening. Was it easy? I know it wasn't. She is now very successful and happy with her gardening business. Of course she had to work really hard and she did it with a fantastic smile. I know many that would have given up after a few months of pro bono work, worry, bills and no money. Now people might believe her change was easy - when the job is done you can no longer see the sweat.

I set up my own business many years ago. I quit a very well paid job, during a deep recession, with a baby daughter, no money and a big expensive house. How did I think? Actually I did not go “to” a business I went “from” a company I didn’t like to stay in and a very good friend came up with the suggestion. Many other friends tried to talk me out of it and pointed out all the risks. Well my business went well and after a few years I got comments like “it’s easy for you to run a business with your education and contacts”. I had what it took and I was willing to take the risk. But am I now? What is the dream that I am prepared to take the same risks for? 

You might, as I do, have dreams that continue to be “under development” year after year. Maybe you dream of the perfect combination of intellectual stimulation, big challenges, many new contacts in an international environment in a perfectly peaceful country village…. Do you have what it takes to make a dream come true or are you more the kind that dream about winning the lottery but never buy a lottery ticket?

Do you know what people know?

How can you possibly know what people know without asking? Of course, some people tell you but most don't. Do you ask people if they have gotten your message - if they have understood? The honest answer is no in most cases. Mos of us either donät like to make other feel stupid or don't like others to make us feel stupid. Some of us don't like either or.

 

We are not afraid to ask our children very basic control questions - over and over again. They call it nagging. Some of us do the same with our spouses but far too seldom do we dare to ask the simple control questions at work or in business.

Have you for example hired someone to fix your pluming or do some building for you and ended up getting the wrong result or the wrong price? I am pretty sure the answer is yes. We don’t like to ask silly questions and show how little we know. Silly since we are not expected to be plumbers or builders. 

How about at work? We don't want to embarrass people by questioning if they have heard and understood. But what if they were thinking about their sick mother, were checking an email or were dreaming about the next holiday just when you were saying those most important things? You can’t really see what people are thinking and the only safe way to confirm that a message has gone through is to ask and check.

I had a very interesting business meeting where I had very limited knowledge compare to all the others. I was at the same time supposed to prepare a structured and easy to understand documentation for the decision process. It was really difficult to get an understanding. At a very late stage I got a feeling I had all through the process confirmed - that they really did not understand! I had not dared to ask the basic questions since I was the one without the expertise. Should I question their knowledge? Well actually I should have because somewhere during the process, long before I joined, a few steps in a change process had not been communicated in an ideal way. Afterwards I can see how a few basic questions to verify the starting point and a couple of control questions in each meeting probably had made a big difference that might have led to a success instead of a mediocre result.

In another business meeting where I knew more but the Managers attending my meeting were on a very high level in the organisation and I was new as a Management Consultant I was so much braver. I actually explained basic accounting to them to make sure that the complicated effects of taxes and currency transactions were understood. Afterwards my colleagues at Ernst & Young did almost not believe that I had dared to be as basic as that with such important people. Result? Several of them stated “now I understand” and that was one reason I continued to have new assignments for them for many years. Dare to be basic and if you have the feeling the question might be too simple - ask it anyway! 

Do I need to be reminded to ask simple basic questions? Yes almost daily.

Decision making?

How do people make decisions? Does it differ between business decisions and private decisions?

I study (and sometimes suffer from) inferior decision making processes almost every day and after quite a few years of experience I decided to share this: 

• Decisions are made based on the need of being right - and to prove it!
• If a decision is made and later proven wrong it will not be changed!
• If a suggestion is presented by someone with authority it is most likely to be decided no matter how badly it is under built 
• If the suggestion is presented together with other possible alternatives giving the decision makers a good basis for making a well based decision it is probable that there will be no decision made. Better to just present the suggestion you want to get decided.
• If you are the one taking the consequences of the decision (which the presenter of the solution probably isn’t) the suggestion is more likely to be a good one.
• If the best decision might lead to conflicts it is likely that another decision will be made. 

So the best way to get something decided is to present the suggestion with authority, if you don’t have it - get someone to do the presentation for you. Don't present any alternatives and if you are not totally sure that you are willing to pay for the consequences of the decision - run the fastest you can out of there and don't look back. Just make sure you get paid before leaving. 

When it comes to private decisions they are more likely to be clever since you almost always take the consequences if they are wrong and benefit if they are right. If business decisions were made more like private decisions (maybe if we exempt decisions about love and children…) I dare to say we would have much more profitable companies, more effective organisations and definitely more happy employees. 

Private decisions are made:

• Based on the expected outcome
• Based on how your surrounding is affected
• The cost/price of the decision
• Based on analysing all possible solutions (maybe sometimes too much analysing)

If you have to make a quick decision in private life you do - you never even consider postponing it if you will suffer from waiting. How is it done in business? If you don't know I will not tell you….

Is this a way for me to tell the world that I aim for a position as decision maker? Definitely!!

Creativity

Are you creative? Or do you want to be? I am convinced that creativity is the most important ability to nurture these days. Why? All information (too much…?) is available and the attention span is coming down to a level where it is measured in seconds. To be able to catch people’s attention in seconds we need to be different. But it is also fun to be creative! We live and laugh when we make up crazy, or just very innovative, new ideas. In a party a few weeks ago a friend of mine and my husband decided to launch “sweat pads” for men to avoid the large wet circles that are so obvious in most meetings. We said “yes” and had great fun discussion product name and marketing strategy. To our surprise, my friend found out that the product already exists! There are more creative people out there! Now they only need to be creative enough to make sure these guys that need them also buy them…

Everybody can be creative now and then and most of us can be creative quite often. In most cases, we just don't dare to present our wild and crazy suggestions. Besides the risk of being treated as a bit silly, there are also several myths about creativity that might hinder you.

One myth is that creativity takes place in the right part of the brain so you are either “right-brained” and creative or “left brained” and not. That’s wrong so you can be both logical and creative. In fact, most things we use our brains for, require that we use both halves. 

Another myth is that creativity is instant. That is probably not true in most cases. We think about many things, we put them together and then suddenly when we hear or see the “missing link” our idea pops up but the seeds were planted a while ago. Therefore you don't need to worry about not being creative when you are supposed to be brainstorming and your brain has gone to sleep. Tomorrow or a week from now when you are out walking your idea might visualise. 

Whether you are most creative in group or on your own is discussed a lot. Some are pro one and others the other. The most probable answer it the boring “you need a mix of both”. Use your walks or doing the dishes as your creative moments. And don't set any limits on your creativity - I can assure you that when you think you are totally crazy you can probably find that someone else has already done it or at least tried it. 

Go bananas and I will support you!

Ms. Joy - a clever lady with ideas!

Ms Joy is seen as a visionary. She always finds new solutions to processes or functions that have been creating problems at work or at home. At work she is always challenging business processes, systems, organization and products. She is fortunate enough to having worked in a very innovative company and is highly valued for her ideas and that she always is willing to discuss her ideas and explain how she has come to her conclusions. Her family is in most cases also positive to her changes, at least after some discussions. One day she got an offer to change jobs and the offer was too good to resist. So much more salary and some fringe benefits that she really appreciated, free healthcare, an interesting training program and a possible carrier path that could take her abroad which always had been on her vision board.

After a month at the new job Ms Joy had realized that the business processes and systems would not keep the company competitive for very long. She was very interested in networking, reading and listening to lectures in her business area and all other areas that she could have any use of (IT system development, marketing, communication, leadership, sustainability, etc) and considered herself to be well educated and updated. She prepared her presentation of the new suggested plan for new business processes and systems thoroughly. She did not worry at all since she was used to getting support for her ideas and that anyone questioning them would raise their doubts, listen to arguments, perhaps having a second round of fact collection and then get her ideas through. Of course there often was a need of modifications due to limited resources, time or money, but in most cases she had been happy with the decisions and implemented solutions.

She was chocked by the way her ideas were received! The answer was NO! The company had been competitive up until now and did not expect things to change. They were not at all interested in listening to how Ms Joy had come to her conclusions and her efforts to make them listen and understand just made their attitude even more negative.

What should she do? She went home early that day and ran a private workshop. 

Stay at the new job and accept that they are not interested in her ideas? Not a very good idea since she was convinced that the company would not stay competitive and therefore her carrier path did suddenly not look very good. Or quit directly? But she just changed jobs! Should she even consider staying at a job where they didn’t even bother to listen to her ideas?

What did she decide? Do you want to give your version of how the story ended?

Talents and understanding

Some people are good listeners - you might have a problem with their silence. Why don’t they say something? 

Others are really good at holding presentations, telling stories and are great fun - you might be irritated that they don’t listen. 

Others find all the small errors in a report - you are irritated that they don’t produce much, that they are not efficient. 

You might be the fast and productive one - and people are irritated that you don’t get all the details right. 

Well everybody can’t be listening all the time because then there would be nothing to listen to. Everybody can’t be talking at the same time since nobody would be listening. Yet some people are more of one or the other kind. If we would see the good in each person and why the different talents are so valuable in getting things done we would be spending more time being productive and having fun and less time gossiping and complaining.

I have had an interesting week during which I have been reminded about my talent to understand how things are connected and finding the best solution to a problem - quicker than most people. I am often so quick that it scares and people doubt me. I have also met a few people that are so extremely good at digging into details with an impressive patience and they come up with conclusions! The rest of us have gotten totally lost among all the bits and pieces and could never have succeeded with it. And I have met others that are impressively stubborn and stick to their opinion no matter how many times they are proven wrong. Even though I don’t like that attitude it is a talent that can be useful.

All in all we could not accomplish anything if we were all the same. Appreciate your talents and other people’s talents and your differences. You might come up with revolutionary conclusions with such different views.

Should I stay or should I go now?

Ms. Joy had a dilemma as described in last week’s blog. She spent a lot of time refreshing her core values and beliefs about her mission and the vision she had of her life. She decided to go for one of the following alternatives. Which? 

Alternative 1:

After considering leaving directly she got scared to run out of money and get bad references. She decided to stay and try new ways to present her ideas, prepare herself better next time and be more patient. After another 6 months and several new presentations that resulted in NO, NO and another NO, she had lost her interest in presenting new ideas, started to worry about all sorts of things, lost her energy and positive attitude. She did not get any more job offers so when the company went bankrupt a year later she had to take the job she could get. A job that paid a lot less than the job she left 18 months earlier.

Alternative 2:

Ms. Joy did a lot of thinking and decided that her ability to be a visionary and an innovator were too valuable talents to get thrown away. She also decided that if she would live according to her most important beliefs she could not stay at the company. She made another presentation with the goal to make the management change their mind and make the suggested changes. She failed and informed her boss that she would start looking for a new job. She got an offer to have her old job back but decided to take on another new challenge. The salary was a bit lower initially but Ms. Joy decided that she would never be scared to change jobs again so if the salary would not increase she would be out there looking for new opportunities. She was happy, energetic and even stronger in her belief that she is a visionary.

You probably guessed that Ms Joy decided to leave based on her core values and beliefs but I guess that you can see that if you don’t enjoy too much change and insecurity you often choose alternative 1 when you find yourself in a similar situation. Too great need of security might lead to the opposite and often does! 

Another week with plenty of visits outside your comfort zone? Good luck and as usual - I am always here to support you!

Overestimate future benefits!

No matter what goals you have the output you expect has to be greater than the effort you have to make in order to get there. It has to be worth trying hard enough. What happens with many of the health goals we set up is that we can’t see the real value that we will get from our effort. Often we don’t want to admit that we don’t feel all that good at the moment. We convince ourselves that we are “rather fit”, “don’t weigh too much”, “that our high blood pressure is inherited and will not be effected by a healthier life” etc. Those thoughts help us to feel a bit happier and more relaxed in our daily life. The thoughts are a kind of cheap and not too unhealthy drug. 

What we feel today always weighs over what we believe we might feel tomorrow! 

The same goes for carrier goals and financial goals but in this blog I stick to health since that is a common new year’s resolution. 

As soon as you get aware of how you function you can work your way around it and talk yourself out of bad habits. The result is that you can reach the goals that will benefit you in the long run.

• Clarify the benefits from your goals 
• Overestimate the benefits from your goals (since they are in the future they look smaller)
• Make the goals real by creating a movie you can play inside your head, over and over 
• Underestimate the good of how it is today (since it is now it seems better than it actually is)
• Be realistic when you do this exercise so you don’t get depressed by seeing the situation today a bit worse that you thought of it yesterday – nothing has changed!
• If you slip – get back on track by refreshing your view of your current situation and your goals.

It is quite common that people at this stage start to argue that they don’t really need to set health goals. For you that might be true but if you look at statistics it’s pretty obvious that most people underestimate the risk they take by not losing weight or not changing bad habits. If we saw the current situation as it really is and the future we are facing we would definitely not continue as we do. I communicate a couple of times every week with people that I can see are heading towards a not very good future and I am surprised by the creativity people show when it comes to find excuses for not changing tracks! So please be honest to yourself! It will be worth all the effort just for a slight health increase. As always – if you have questions or doubts – don’t hesitate to contact me!

Christmas is over!

Today is the day we clear out Christmas!

In the northern parts of the world winter is dark and many find the winter slow and depressing. In such times we need change – something has to happen to keep us focused and alert. So in November, or beginning of December at the latest we decorate our homes, our offices and our cities. We introduce plenty of lights and funny decorations. We even dress colorful and funny. Are there any other times men wear ties with reindeers or Santa Claus? We even amuse ourselves with underwear and socks with Christmas motives. And we party! Thanksgiving and Christmas are reasons for all sorts of small and large gatherings.

And today we remove all signs of Christmas. We clean and minimize again. Just as big change as setting it up! And another reason to party – we arrange “throw out Christmas parties”. Suddenly we have managed to get ourselves in a good mood, alert and focused once again.

I believe we have set up traditions around many occasions through the year to introduce changes and variation since, although we hate change (our brains do everything they can to protect us from the new and less known), we instinctively know that we need to force ourselves to be more alert, see new angles and that way exercise new parts of our brains. So accept some of the silly traditions and reasons to party as reasons to exercise your brain but you need more reasons so you still need to encourage yourself to talk to other people than you usually do about different subjects. Read different books that you usually do. See different movies that you usually do and take another way or use another mode of transportation to work that you usually do.

Good luck with your new good intentions for 2016!